Grapeshisha Gaffes
I have been doing the Newsletter officially now for over a year, the site has been up for about 2 months, and I've been blogging for little over a month. If you know the site you will know that I have a Q&A section on it where I try and help those who are in need. How it works is either they post a question from the site or they email me. Admittedly, I have been struggling to help with some specifics recently because for some reason they have all been about Sharjah, "find me a place to live" and some visa specifics.
Well, since I started the newsletter I would occasionally get some odd requests, and, increasingly, more and more so. I have collated my favourites for your light amusement:
In no order of weirdness and more or less verbatim, unless it was impossible to understand:
1. How much does it cost to date girls in Dubai?
[Money can't buy you love, well maybe for one night if you go to some places.]
2. What is the legal age of pre marital Muslim s3x?
[Er, not allowed mate.]
3. How much [would] a holiday to Australia cost from Abu Dhabi?
[Depends if you are going bling or not]
4. How much [does] it cost to fly from Barbados to Dubai?
[I'm not a travel agent.]
5. Where is the embassy for the UAE is in London? Im lost and sending this from my Blackberry.
[Astounding.]
6. If I wanted to get a discount at the Emirates Palace, how would I do that?
[Sorry, I don't have any wasta.]
7. Why [is it] that there is traffic and accidents all the time?
[Two words. Ego Driving.]
8. Who decides about Dubai?
[Sheikh Mohammed , of course!]
9. What is the minimum cost to live if I don't want to spend any money?
[0Dhs]
10. I tried grapeshisha but I preferred rose.
[Stick to that then, my friend. ]
11. If I am not Muslim, can I have another wife in Dubai?
[You're just being greedy.]
12. I am doing a geography project. What is the capital of Dubai?
[The World, but it's not built yet. ]
13. Can you source a paper on how Dubai Ports World operates its ports and identify how this could be a risk for the USA?
[No.]
14. Which companies from the Middle East have links with President Bush and former President Bush?
[Ask Michael Moore. I'm sure he is doing a film on it.]
15. I heard that it is illegal to bring drugs to Dubai and you can go to jail. What drugs can you import?
[Caffeine, nicotine, love.]
16. Is there something special about grapeshisha. Is it like drugs?
[Yes.]
17. How often do bombs go off?
[Where, in Iraq?]
18. What is difference between Palestine and Israel
[!!!!!]
19. I have heard that obesity and diabetes levels are similar in parts of the Gulf to America. Can you comment on why?
[Shwarma, chicken shwarma]
20. Could you do an analysis on the cartoons around in your next newsletter?
[Sorry, I don't like jail. And I like Roses of the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH)]
OK, I didn't reply in the same way as I did just there, but if you did send one of these questions, then please reread what you sent, and you will know why I didn't reply.
There are more, some less amusing, some just rude, some disgusting, and unpublishable. I get the feeling that most of them are legit, which is worrying. - because of ignorance, because of the way they asked the question and some because of what they asked. Oh, and by the way, a number originated from the US, pre and post Port debacle.
Well, since I started the newsletter I would occasionally get some odd requests, and, increasingly, more and more so. I have collated my favourites for your light amusement:
In no order of weirdness and more or less verbatim, unless it was impossible to understand:
1. How much does it cost to date girls in Dubai?
[Money can't buy you love, well maybe for one night if you go to some places.]
2. What is the legal age of pre marital Muslim s3x?
[Er, not allowed mate.]
3. How much [would] a holiday to Australia cost from Abu Dhabi?
[Depends if you are going bling or not]
4. How much [does] it cost to fly from Barbados to Dubai?
[I'm not a travel agent.]
5. Where is the embassy for the UAE is in London? Im lost and sending this from my Blackberry.
[Astounding.]
6. If I wanted to get a discount at the Emirates Palace, how would I do that?
[Sorry, I don't have any wasta.]
7. Why [is it] that there is traffic and accidents all the time?
[Two words. Ego Driving.]
8. Who decides about Dubai?
[Sheikh Mohammed , of course!]
9. What is the minimum cost to live if I don't want to spend any money?
[0Dhs]
10. I tried grapeshisha but I preferred rose.
[Stick to that then, my friend. ]
11. If I am not Muslim, can I have another wife in Dubai?
[You're just being greedy.]
12. I am doing a geography project. What is the capital of Dubai?
[The World, but it's not built yet. ]
13. Can you source a paper on how Dubai Ports World operates its ports and identify how this could be a risk for the USA?
[No.]
14. Which companies from the Middle East have links with President Bush and former President Bush?
[Ask Michael Moore. I'm sure he is doing a film on it.]
15. I heard that it is illegal to bring drugs to Dubai and you can go to jail. What drugs can you import?
[Caffeine, nicotine, love.]
16. Is there something special about grapeshisha. Is it like drugs?
[Yes.]
17. How often do bombs go off?
[Where, in Iraq?]
18. What is difference between Palestine and Israel
[!!!!!]
19. I have heard that obesity and diabetes levels are similar in parts of the Gulf to America. Can you comment on why?
[Shwarma, chicken shwarma]
20. Could you do an analysis on the cartoons around in your next newsletter?
[Sorry, I don't like jail. And I like Roses of the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH)]
OK, I didn't reply in the same way as I did just there, but if you did send one of these questions, then please reread what you sent, and you will know why I didn't reply.
There are more, some less amusing, some just rude, some disgusting, and unpublishable. I get the feeling that most of them are legit, which is worrying. - because of ignorance, because of the way they asked the question and some because of what they asked. Oh, and by the way, a number originated from the US, pre and post Port debacle.
posted by grapeshisha at 9:20 AM
6 Comments:
Sad, isn't it?
Especially in this time of the internet - if they can find your newsletter, then surely they should be able to use a search engine to look for the info.
Ignorance is a great leveller, and a sobering realisation of how unworldy, uneducated and unaware that people can be.
I was born in Fiji and spent the first 15 years of my life there. On holidays to the US in the 70s, we were always asked where we were from. If you think that Americans are not aware of the UAE, then it's worse for Fiji. The closest that they've heard about is Tahiti, and they would be hard-pressed to locate it on a world map.
When we moved to NZ (only 3 hours away from Fiji by plane), and I started to attend school, it was a huge shock to the system. In Fiji, we were so used to having expatriate kids come and go from our classrooms, and we readily absorbed them into our circles of friends. It was unthinkable to let anyone sit alone during the recesses, and a student was always assigned to help the newbies assimilate into their new life.
In NZ in the late 70s, I was asked:
- If you were born in Fiji, how come your skin isn't black?
- why don't you have fuzzy hair?
- did you live in mud huts?
- did you wear grass skirts?
My family's first year of living in NZ was hell!
My favourite is the man wanting more than one wife. There was some hindu labourer in Gulf News trying to do that a while ago.
....
Found it!
On whether he had shared his plan with his wife, he said: "She does not want to divorce me. Frankly, I had no clue it was going to be this difficult to get a second wife. I do not have any complaints about my current wife. I just want to get married again."
quality, gives the 7days letters page a run for it's money.
D.L.T.B.G.Y.D.
First time in my life I look at Blogs and I’m about to fall of my chair laughing about some of these questions, and your answers.
I have to ask, what News Letter is this, you're talking about?
nzm. misunderstanding, preconceptions and stereotypes cause many of the problems of the world. Hey, but you came through it normal, right?
tf - check the site and sign up.
"Ego Driving"...great term, I may have to borrow that for future reference.
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