If you haven't noticed, there's a world cup starting in less than a couple of weeks, and if you haven't got a dodgey satellite receiver with 750 channels, or forked out the ridiculously steep 400 or 500 dirhams to e-vision and you are into the beautiful game, you better sort out your schedule pronto, find out which bar is showing the game (and with which supporters) or piggy back off a mate who has managed to scam the channels.
As a preamble to the most watched competition on the planet, I present you with the definition of the Offside Rule, so that those who don't actually understand it won't bother those that do, in those crucial minutes when concentration is more important than when you have a speeding Hummer swerving behind you on the Sheikh Zayed Road.
define Offside as this:
It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position. A player is in an offside position if he is nearer to his opponents’ goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent. A player is not in an offside position if he is in his own half of the field of play or he is level with the second last opponent or he is level with the last two opponents. A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by interfering with play or interfering with an opponent or gaining an advantage by being in that position.
A bit long winded. How's this:
Infraction in which an offensive player does not have at least two defensive players between himself and the goal line when the ball is played forward by a member of the attacking team.
OK, that doesn't really help. How's this (courtesy of Everything a Girl Needs to Know About Football
Imagine you're out shopping with a friend and you see a lovely pair of shoes you want to buy. You stand in the queue and wait to pay for them. In front of you are two ladies who are also waiting to pay and are standing between you and the till. You realise you have left your purse with your friend who is at the back of the shop.
It would be rude to push in front of the ladies in the queue without your purse. However, if your friend was to throw your purse and you caught it behind, or side-by-side with, the ladies in the queue, it would then be OK to run round in front of them to pay. Just remember you can't move in front of the ladies without having your purse with you first. All you have to do is swap your purse for a football, the till for a goal and the ladies in the queue for defenders and you'll soon be able to argue the off-side rule with the best of them.
So, just for clarification, here are the pictures so that you have no doubt whatsoever (courtesy of localdial
Further analogies regarding the offside rule and Dubai traffic, cost of living, or anything else are welcome.
Whether Tunisia V Saudi Arabia will be the most watched match locally doesn't really bother me, I'll be supporting England, with the regular chants of "Who are ya?", the obvious "Come on England", "Who are all the pies?", "The referee's a w***er", and other obscenities when the Ingleezi are finally kicked out by some lesser opposition. I just hope to get to the group stages so that I can hear the excited Arabic commentary of "YALLA YALLA WENRONNI"
Over the coming month and a bit expect different toned blogs depending on the success or failure of En-ger-land. Come on UAE!